…Because at one point, you may have had some control over it.
So it is currently almost 1am and I am not tired at all. I have a thesis defense in a week or less that I am half ready for and half not. Not to mention that I have been going through this emotional roller coaster because of it. Here’s the story:
As you know, I am writing a thesis that needs to be submitted before July 11th to meet the summer deadline. No big deal, the darn thing has been written for a month pretty much (or it feels like one, I think it’s really only been like two weeks) and I have been sitting on it (figuratively) this whole time. I did read my intro portion to pull some articles for a chapter in a textbook I am writing (because we know how much I love to stay busy), but that’s pretty much all I have done with it since its completion. Now, I can’t just turn it in and say “hey guys, it’s done! Here it is! Now gimmie my degree!” It has to be defended in front of the committee of my choosing and they have to vote on it being a worthy piece of research that grants me my master’s degree and I can close that chapter in my life.
I already discussed the suckiness of researching this thing in a previous post and how I have to work with my committee members’ schedules. After that post, we set a date for next week (one of my members finally got back to me) and we were good. I was happy and content because all I had to do was wait for that date to arrive.
Yeah…nothing in life is easy. Ha that sounds like a first world problem, me complaining about my thesis defense date being changed. Well it wouldn’t be an issue if one of my committee members wasn’t currently away from the computer and does not check emails lately due to being extremely busy. Again, I TOTALLY understand that, being summer vacation and all. I already had that expectation that it was a possibility for a defense not to happen in the summer. But once that date was solidified previously, I could sleep again and I just had to wait. It wasn’t until recently where I found out it had to be changed due to another schedule conflict. I do not want to complain about my thesis defense date having to change and me only having less than a week left for one of my members to get back to me on even IF that date works for them (although that statement did sound like a complaint). Because if it doesn’t…I’m screwed. I will not meet the July 11th deadline for summer vacation and I am stuck having to reschedule it in the last week I can before I ship my ass off to Japan for two years! Entirely possible; I just won’t meet the summer deadline like I wanted by a week…one…week…
But why worry about things you have no control over? I cannot control the schedules of other people. I cannot control the circumstances that has fallen upon them that they need to take care of. I cannot control other people.
But I could have controlled myself.
I could have worked my ass off to get it done while the semester was going on in Spring and had the defense then and be done with it. I finished the rest of my thesis in a week during summer. I could have had it done in Spring. Yeah, I probably would have bitched and complained and cried in the process…but at least it would have been done. I could have worked harder in the beginning and I wouldn’t be in this predicament now.
I blame my sleepless nights from now until I get that email on myself and myself alone. Yeah, I can distract myself by researching more for Japan or continue to write that chapter. But at the end of the day, I just want that email telling me “yes, that new date works. See you then.” Because if it doesn’t…well, I will be in another country for two years so my thesis defense will just have to wait until I get back.
Moral of the story: work your ass off now so you don’t have to worry about it later. Also, pretty much everything in life you can change. If it means starting a project earlier, moving to a different job, or finding new relationships, you can change it. Thesis defense in July? Have the defense in May. Hate your job? Find a new one. In a dead-end relationship? Leave it and find something else. There is always an alternative. You just have to be willing to find it and work hard for it and change your life. The only thing you cannot change is what happens in nature, but you can darn well protect yourself from it and that is in your control.
(I will keep ya’ll updated on the status of my thesis for anyone interested. Sorry this post wasn’t JET or Japan related. It’s late at night haha needed someone or something to listen to me.)